One night, I was out serving a felony warrant on some guy. I don’t remember what it was for, an armed robbery or something.
As I approached the house, going by the address on the warrant, I spotted the suspect inside through an open window. He saw me too and immediately ran deeper into the house, ducked behind a door, and slammed it behind him.
I checked the front door. It was unlocked.
“Win!”
I entered the house and approached the door the suspect had just run into. It was locked.
“Of course it is…”
Just as I was about to kick it down, I thought, I should probably tell my supervisor, since he was likely going to need to write a letter after all this. I’d recently been advised that if I thought I was about to do anything that might generate paperwork for him, he wanted to know, and preferably before I actually generated it.
Due to a few recent incidents, I have been generating a lot of paperwork for him lately.
I looked at the door and thought, “Sure, I guess I have time for this. That guy is probably just hunkered down hiding in the bedroom closet right about now.”
I got my supervisor on the radio and quickly explained the situation.
Me: “So, yeah, I’m about to kick this door down. It might cause minor damage. Just thought you should know.”
Supervisor: “What do you mean you’re about to break a bedroom door down? You’re inside the house now?”
Me: “Yes sir, that’s correct. I’m inside the house. It’s just an interior door, not a huge deal.”
Supervisor: “Wait! See, that’s the part I’m not getting. How are you inside the house?”
I didn’t understand the question.
Me: “Well, I don’t know. I guess, I simply wished I were inside the structure. God must’ve smiled upon me, and suddenly here I am now.”
Supervisor: “Get out of that structure right now and call SWAT! That’s SWAT’s business! And we’re going to talk about you wishing your way into buildings when you get back to the office!”
I stared at the door for a moment, then said loudly through it:
“Hey, did you hear all that? That was my boss. My boss says I have to leave and call SWAT. Apparently, I’m not allowed to kick this door down. Pfft. So, I’m gonna do what he says and go call SWAT.
Now, those fellows are a bunch of assholes! They’re probably gonna blow this door down with something fancy, toss in a flash bang, and generally beat your ass into submission. That’s what they do.
We can let them do all that, OR, you can just unlock this door right now, all nice and peaceful-like, turn around, put your hands behind your back, and we can go the easy way.
Either way, you’re done and going to jail tonight, now that’s a fact!
You’ve got three seconds to decide which road you want to go down, because I gotta go call SWAT now. They’re probably going to come in all pissed off, too, because it’s late and I have to wake them all up.”
The door immediately unlocked.
The suspect opened it, turned around, and put his hands behind his back.
Back at the office, I was advised to stop “wishing” my way into buildings.
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