How helping others helps me recover

Here is how helping others helps me in my own recovery. I was told that it would, and it has.

Another thing I was told was that the best thing I could do for the people I claim to love in life was to focus entirely on my own healing, making that the number one priority of my life.

Neither of these things did I believe at the time they were told to me. The logic did not make sense. But I also knew something else. I knew that the people who were telling me these things seemed to have a firm grip on what I called “sanity,” and I did not believe that I did.

So whether what they said made logical sense to me or not, it did not really matter. I was in a mental institution, and they were the facilitators. They seemed squared away and had what I wanted, peace, confidence, sanity, sobriety, joy, and so forth.

“If I want what you have, I have to do what you do to get it.”

What was important to me had to change. According to these people, recovery had to become the number one priority. That meant I had to give it priority in my day, even above work. Other things would have to fit around my recovery if I wanted to recover.

I trusted them, so I did that.

Then I thought about the people I loved, my wife and my children. In my internal logic system, I believed working hard and earning money was the best thing I could do. That, and trying to fix what I perceived to be problems in their lives. I thought being a good husband and father meant making their problems a priority in my life and trying to solve them.

When I focused entirely on my own healing and made recovery the highest priority in my life, a few interesting things happened.

First and foremost, I recovered.

Am I “sane”? Who the f**k knows, and who really cares? I am not worried about it anymore, and that is what matters to me.

All aspects of my life began to blossom when recovery became my priority. My relationships improved. I became more internally at peace and experienced happiness more often. That, by the way, had nothing to do with money, which also increased. I am no longer struggling and stressed about living paycheck to paycheck.

Here is the most interesting part. The lives of those I love also began to blossom. That may have had a lot to do with them no longer having to worry about me and my previously dysfunctional way of being.

As far as being of service to others and helping them in their recovery, what that did for me was keep me actively engaged in the work of recovery. It keeps the wisdom of whatever program I am helping someone through in the forefront of my thinking.

I also learn more and more about myself the longer I stay in recovery. I once read that a person learns about themselves as they explain themselves to others. I discover something new about myself almost every time I help someone else.

The teacher becomes the student, and the student becomes the master.

There have been times when I thought I did not struggle with something until I heard someone explain how they struggled.

For example, fear of authority figures.

I used to think, “I personally do not have a fear of authority figures. Authority figures should fear me, particularly if it is their job to manage me.” I had a very arrogant, rebellious view of it and did not believe I suffered from that kind of fear.

Then I asked someone, “What is your definition of an authority figure?”

They said, “An authority figure can be anyone I want something from. They have what I want, so they control access to it. Because of that, I constantly monitor the status of our relationship. I fear that my standing in their eyes might drop. That fear can become intense enough to control my behavior.”

I thought about that and realized, “Damn. I do have a fear of authority figures.”

With increased awareness like this, my level of consciousness continues to rise. More peace and more joy enter my life.

Helping others keeps recovery wisdom active in my thoughts. Because of that, I tend to make better decisions. The fruits of my life tomorrow are shaped by the decisions I make today, and over time my life has taken a steady upward turn.

The constant tension I once felt, the sense that I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop even when things were going well, eventually faded. Much of the anxiety that came with that feeling disappeared.

In the end, everything they told me to do turned out to be true, even though I did not understand it at the time.

I did not understand recovery.

I practiced it.

Understanding came later.

– Tube