Every morning there is a gentle knock on my bathroom door.

As soon as my ass-cheeks hit the toilet seat, my wife hands me a cup of coffee.

Not just coffee.

A really good cup of coffee.

Sometimes it has a shot of espresso in it. Sometimes the cream is frothed. She seems to take pride in it.

And every time I accept it I have the same thought.

I’ve not been the best husband over the years. I’ve done nothing to deserve this early morning gesture of love.

The coffee is always delicious.

And humbling.

This is part of my morning routine now.

But that routine didn’t always exist.

Not that long ago I had no routine at all.

Back when my life seemed extremely dysfunctional and chaotic, I lacked structure.

I just did whatever I wanted, how I wanted, and when I wanted to do it.

By doing whatever I wanted and answering to no one, it seemed to me like I had control in my life. And I did. I was definitely “in charge” of me.

After serving decades in the military and first responder professions, once separated from the duties of life, I just let myself go in whatever directions the winds of life blew me.

I am not terminally unique in this. I often see other first responders and veterans do the same thing. One year after any service-related retirement, we end up looking like Tom Hanks in Cast Away.

Having retired myself from years of undercover work, I already had a head start in the grooming department and already looked like a vagrant when I retired.

Without any sort of structure, I quickly created the lifestyle to match it.

Soon my life seemed dysfunctional, void of any sort of meaningful purpose.

Of course it did. I had no motivation or reason for even getting out of bed in the morning, so sometimes I didn’t. I was “in charge.”

I would often stay up late drinking while watching TV or playing video games, and only slide out of bed around noon, or whenever I was bored of laying in it.

The Question

One day I met a man who, to me, seemed really squared away and had his shit together.

I was at a suicidal-ideation detox facility, and he was one of the facilitators.

He asked, “Hey, when do you go to bed at night?”

To me it seemed like a rather personal question, but I answered honestly.

“Whenever I want to.”

He then asked, “Oh? Well, what time do you get up then?”

I confidently said, “Whenever I want to.”

I said this almost arrogantly, as if I was proud of the fact that I had achieved such a point in my life where I was bound to nobody’s timetable.

To me, having no schedule and no supervisors dictating their schedules into my life meant I had power, control, and success in my life.

Well, I did have two of those things.

I had power, and I had control.

Success?

I reiterate, I was at a suicidal-ideation detox facility.

Part of the reason I was there is because I felt my life had become pointless and meaningless.

His Advice

He asked, “How’s your sleep?”

I said, “Meh, depends. Sometimes good, but not always restful. Sometimes I wake up already feeling like crap.”

He advised me,

“See? That’s not going to work. People like us, we need structure in our lives. We don’t have others dictating the events of our day to us, and if we don’t take control of that, well, that’s why our lives seem pointless and chaotic.”

“It starts by getting up at the same time every day, whatever time that is. You’re the boss, you dictate the time. I myself recommend getting up early.”

“And then once I am up, I do the exact same things for a while. I have a morning spiritual practice. I wake up like an alarm clock went off, then I do the same things every morning.”

“I read. I meditate. I go for a walk outdoors.”

“If I make sure to let sunlight hit my skin before eleven o’clock, and I get up at the same time, my body quickly gets into a circadian rhythm and my sleep irons itself out.”

“My body naturally starts feeling like it’s time for bed as evening approaches.”

“After my morning routine, I feel more confident as I approach the day. I’m more in control, and I have already experienced my first victory.”

“That gets me mentally into a positive mindset before the first problems of the day even hit my door.”

“I get up before most of the rest of the world does, and by the time they do, I’m already fresh, rested, and clear-minded.”

Five AM

“You get up how early?” I asked.

“I’m up by five am, getting showered, having my first cup of coffee and ready to meditate,” he answered.

I groaned.

“Five? AM?”

“Yes. Five AM. That quickly becomes routine, and now I don’t like sleeping past five-thirty. That makes me feel lazy.”

He smiled, slapped me on the back, and walked away.

I knew that if I wanted what he appeared to have, which was a life he seemed to enjoy living, then I needed to make adjustments in mine.

The Routine

I quickly developed a morning routine, as he recommended.

I started getting up early and following a routine.

The feeling that it was somehow a chore to get up early evaporated after a few days, and soon I no longer needed an alarm clock as my internal circadian clock synced itself.

My wife followed suit and started getting up early.

See, I typically get the coffee ready in the morning. I have a coffee pot set on a timer so that the coffee is hot and ready by the time we wake up.

I wake up and, before my feet hit the floor, I like to close my eyes for a couple breaths, focusing on the air going in and out of my lungs, and surrender my life and the day over to my Higher Power.

This only takes a moment, and then I head to the bathroom.

Then I read.

I read while on the toilet. I like to read something spiritual to get my mind pointed in that direction.

I read a section out of A Course in Miracles, the Tao, and I have a daily Gita reader.

I guess those are all religious-like.

A Course in Miracles, published by the Foundation for Inner Peace, is Christian-ese, although not accepted and considered heresy by some denominations.

The Tao is Buddhist-ish.

The Gita is Hindu-ish.

What is very interesting is that the readings of all three books often reflect one another and sometimes say the exact same thing, perhaps using different language.

Once the reading is complete, then I journal.

I don’t journal a lot. This blog is more of a journal than anything. I just jot down a few paragraphs, and even that has structure.

I call it the Daily RIG.

Reflections

Intentions

Gratitude

For reflections, I’ll write down a few words about yesterday.

How did that go for me?

Was there anything I was particularly proud of or struggled with?

Anything I could have done better?

Did I accomplish anything?

For intentions, I may open my calendar just to see what’s on deck.

What do I intend to do with this day?

What are my goals?

Lastly, I journal one thing that I am grateful for right now.

A lot of times what I am grateful for is that cup of coffee my wife just brought me.

This gets my mind pointed in a positive direction before I face the rest of the day.

Finishing the Morning

Now my morning routine isn’t complete yet.

I still have to do my daily meditation and exercise in some manner.

I might go for a walk with my wife and dogs, which is what I prefer.

We typically walk a couple miles, splitting a pair of wireless earbuds as we listen to an audiobook.

I most likely will work out with more intensity later in the day, but the morning walk lets me get outside, lets the sun hit my skin and eyes, which definitely helps with the circadian sleep rhythm, and get some fresh air.

Plus, the audiobook is always good.

Before or after the walk, depending on the time of year and weather, we then meditate.

My wife and I like to meditate together.

We may each have our own headphones listening to different ambient background sounds, or I may have it on speakers filling the room.

It doesn’t matter.

We just like to do it together.

When we are done, now I’m ready and in the proper mindset to face whatever the day has to throw at me.

Usually.

At least I deal with whatever problems better than I would if I had simply stumbled into the day with half a hangover, which is what I did when my life didn’t work.

Hey, the guy who suggested this to me was right.

It works.

Now I have a life I enjoy living.

Sure, there’s more to it.

But this is how I get my day off to a proper start.

Structure didn’t take my freedom away, it gave my life something worth being free for.