There was one day when I was alone at the distillery and a friend came to visit. I was grateful for his visit because it was typically pretty lonely out there.
It was way out in Coshocton, Ohio, which is a town about two hours away from anything but the beautiful foothills of the Appalachians. The area is beautiful, but very isolated.

It was a warm spring day when he visited. We had a good visit, but before he left he said, “This is the most gorgeous day of the year. Why aren’t you out enjoying it?”

I said, “Because I’ve gotta be here until seven PM. That’s when we close.”

He said, “Larry, I’ve been here two hours and you haven’t had a single customer.”

I said, “Yeah, things have been real slow. It won’t pick up for another month.”

He asked, “So why aren’t you out fishing? Because you have to be here? Why? Aren’t you the owner?”

I said, “Yeah, but the sign says we’re open until seven.”

He said, “The other side of that sign says ‘closed,’ so just flip it over. Which would you rather be doing, fishing, or being here?”

I said, “I’d rather be fishing.”

He said, “You are allowed to do things that make you happy, just because they make you happy. You are allowed to do those things.”

I asked, “Isn’t that called being selfish?”

He said, “No. That’s called living your life for you. That’s called steering the ship. It’s your life. You get to do whatever you want, and you are totally allowed to do things you want to do, just because you want to do them.”

I considered that, flipped the sign over, and took my wife fishing that day.

It felt good.

I experienced so much joy that day that I wanted more. I couldn’t believe that I thought intentionally enjoying life simply because I chose to was somehow selfish. I had to have others point that out to me.

That moment stuck with me, because it connected to something else I had been learning.

I learned this thing where, when I let go of my attachment to an outcome, and let go of wanting things to go a specific way, I experience more internal peace.

That’s not to say I don’t have preferences or am passionless about what I do. That just means I’m not married to the outcome of my work. Like, I’ll always try to do a good job at whatever I choose to do for work.

I always felt my expression of self could be seen in my work, or art. I like high dependability and functionality in life, so I try to express that in all of my work.

I like people to be satisfied with my work. But that is not why I do my work.

I do my work because I do my work.

I usually do good work because I like to do good work, not because I feel the need to be appreciated.

Being appreciated is nice, for sure, when it happens. But that’s not why I do good work.

I have found that when I’m not attached to the outcome of my work, I actually do much better work. It’s ironic.

I once read that a person could shoot an arrow and hit the bullseye a thousand times and be totally relaxed while doing so, but suddenly miss when competing for a medal.

Now they are no longer shooting for the simple joy of shooting, and instead attempting to achieve something outside of the activity itself, the gold medal. Now there is a pressure that didn’t exist before.

It’s like the internal winds have suddenly shifted unexpectedly, so they miss.

When I learned to do things just because those are the things I do, and for no other reason, my life got easier.

I was no longer doing things to gain the approval of another. I started doing only the things I wanted to do.

I had to learn how to do that, can you believe it?

Prior to learning that, I was doing things exclusively for the approval of others. And coincidentally, there was little joy in my life.

Also, I didn’t know that was an incorrect way of experiencing life. I thought I was correct in my thinking, and the idea that I wasn’t supposed to be a people pleaser had never occurred to me until a couple friends pointed it out.

One day I ran into my boss and mentor out on the street.

He looked at me and said, “Hey, do you really want to get well fast?”

I said, “Yes, of course I do.”

He said, “Then listen to me. Stop wanting shit from other people.”

I was looking at him in the eyes when he said that, so I thought, “Okay, well I guess he wants me to do that right now?

So what do I want from this man?

His approval?

You don’t need it, Larry.

Recognition for hard work? His appreciation?

I don’t need that either.

My job?

I could probably find another job, maybe even one with better pay, before the week is over. I like this job, but I don’t necessarily need it. God always provides.”

That was my basic train of thought as I looked my boss in the eyes.

Then I said, “Okay, got it.”

He suddenly looked surprised and said, “Got what?”

I said, “I don’t need a damned thing from you.”

He said, “Holy crap? You just did that with me? I wasn’t talking about me. I was just talking about life in general.”

I said, “Oh. Well that makes more sense.”

He said, “Jesus! So you don’t need anything from me? Nothing? Not even your job?”

I said, “I like my job, but when you told me to do that, I thought about it and figured you’d probably at least give me a good recommendation if I needed one.”

“No, Larry! You’re not going anywhere. Jesus!”

We started walking toward his house together and he said, “So you’d probably be the one who will always tell me when my slip is showing?”

I said, “Damned straight I will.”
He said, “Good,” as we continued to walk.

When I stopped doing things for the approval of others, and started doing things for the approval of me instead, I started enjoying my life more.

It got way easier to navigate and manage.

I experienced more satisfaction in life, and the quality of my work actually improved tremendously.

All the pressure was off. Now I just did work to my standard of approval, which was usually very high anyway.

Because I am not attached to the outcome of my work, I do a good job, mentally move on, and go to the next thing. A flow shows up that didn’t exist before.

Often my work even gets appreciated.

That’s always nice when it happens.

But it’s not required.

These days I just try to do good work, enjoy the day when it’s a beautiful day, and remember that sometimes you’re allowed to flip the sign.

Thanks for reading.