There was this thing that happened to me that suddenly changed everything.

It happened when I was at Save A Warrior.

I was given a certain number of questions of a spiritual nature to ponder. Questions to consider and sit with.

It was as if I were looking down at all these spiritual questions as waypoints on a map.

As if I had just stepped into a rest stop and looked at one of those big maps.

“So, they said to go here, Point B, somewhere in my internal world. But to get there, where am I now?”

Where is the big red arrow that says, “You Are Here”?

At some point it dawned on me that I was the one looking at the map and looking for me.
”These things apply to ‘me.’ Where is ‘me?’”

Well, here I am, standing here looking at the map.

That awareness dawned upon me suddenly, for the first time in my fifties.

It felt as if I had suddenly become conscious of the fact that I was alive. As if I had become alive all of a sudden for the first time.

Suddenly aware of myself in an instant.

It felt as if the lights had just been turned on.

I exclaimed to a witness:

“Oh man! I’m Lazarus!”

He asked,

“What’s that mean?”

I said,

“I’m suddenly alive! It feels like I’m suddenly alive for the first time and didn’t know I was dead.”

He laughed.

But that’s what it was like for me. I suddenly became aware of internal feelings and emotions, just like the lights suddenly came on.

The most brilliant day of my life.

I had been looking at my internal thoughts and trying to find me.

Where am I in all of these thoughts?

Where am I?

Where is my sense of self originating from?

I am wading through my thoughts trying to find me.

Then it dawned on me:

I am the one doing the searching.

I am the one wading through the thoughts looking for me.

So I can stop searching for that now.

That day, when I found me, was better than opening the refrigerator and discovering a tub of leftover chicken wings.

Leftover chicken wings—from one of our neighborhood wing nights.

Those were some damned delicious chicken wings.

I had spent years crafting the perfect chicken wing, and wings in the fridge were treasure.

And if there were also some of Sue’s famous southwest egg rolls?

Forget about it.

It was as if a river of milk and honey straight from heaven poured out when the refrigerator door opened.

I didn’t care what kind of misery the day held, at least there were some chicken wings and egg rolls in it, so it wasn’t all bad.
Yeah, numbing out on food, and quite unapologetically…

We absolutely loved them and would sometimes eat nothing but chicken wings and egg rolls for a couple of days.

This isn’t a blog about healthy eating or anything.

And I’ve been strict with my diet lately, trying to shed a couple pounds, so food has been on my mind.

Anyway, becoming consciously aware of myself was way better than chicken wings and egg rolls.

That was the point I was trying to make.
Probably not a flag I’d design to fly around or bumper sticker.
”I’m better than chicken wings.”
Sometimes, I’m not so sure that I am better than chicken wings.
There are some damned fine chicken wings I have found out there!

Anyway, have a good night.

Thank you for reading.