I was at Save A Warrior, which is a program for veterans and first responders with Complex-PTS, a suicidal ideation detox facility.

I had struggled with Complex-PTS for most of my adult life, and often struggled with suicidal ideations.
Those thoughts had been a constant daily companion.

Although I have a story that I was tricked into attending the program, they definitely had the right guy. I at first resisted much of the wisdom I was exposed to, but I made no qualms over the fact that I definitely fit the bill for someone who’s struggled with suicidal thoughts for a long time.

At one point during my intensive, a sudden awareness came upon me.

It was a sudden awareness that “I am alive.”

I don’t know if other people already have this sort of awareness of self, and I am the last one to the party, but I did not have this conscious awareness of self prior to its sudden occurrence to me in my fifties.

It was as if I was in an all-dark building and suddenly the lights got switched on very suddenly.

“Hello! I am alive!”

To me it felt as if I had woken up out of a lifelong nightmare of insanity.

What also came with this sudden conscious awareness of self were feelings and emotions.
Many of those I did not recall allowing myself to feel before.

I suddenly felt love. Love from others.

It was a foreign feeling to me, and I had to have one of the staff explain it to me.

“What you’re describing is called love, Larry. The possibility exists that you have never felt that before.”

I was mind blown!

I’ve read that what I experienced is what’s called a “spiritual awakening.”
It’s this conscious awareness of self.
Some call that my “true self.”
I call it my true spirit, thus, I go with calling it a “spiritual awakening.”

With this awareness, my past life suddenly made perfect sense to me, and I saw there was a pathway out of my insanity.

I became aware of the spiritual nature of life, the presence of my Higher Power, and the feeling of love, all in an instant.

I also became suddenly aware of what a miracle having this spiritual awakening was for me.

I wasn’t seeking a spiritual awakening when I experienced it.
It wasn’t the answer to some question.
It just sort of happened while I was considering some ideas that were being presented to me in the program.
I was in fact resistant to many of the ideas (because they were foreign to me).

Someone I didn’t know paid a lot of money for me to attend the program. I realized that. I didn’t know who this person was, just someone who loves veterans.

So, I combined all of that, realized the miraculousness of my being there to experience all of this, and was suddenly filled with humility and gratitude.

I thought, “This changes everything.”

I immediately started a journey of self-awareness. I wanted to know more about this “spirit” I so recently discovered.

One thing I learned about love is, the way to get more of it in my life is to give it away.
I think that’s true of most things in life. In order to keep it, I’ve gotta give it away!

Anyway, I love you all and thank you for reading.